mood: sad

I've only vagly told people what I saw when I went into a coma. Or what happened to me when I blacked out. So I'm here to tell thoughs what I saw. And what has been burned into my mind for years to come.

I had just come home from a hard day of work. My father wasn't home, but my mother was. She was watching T.V. I walked upstairs to my room and placed my stuff down with a sigh. Instantly pain racked my body. It felt like someone was ripping my heart out and twisting it. I began to scream as loud as I could. I cried for help, for anyone to help me, but no one came. I could hear my mother yelling at me to shut up, but I couldn't. It hurt so much. finally she walked upstairs and opened my door to see me withering on the floor in pain. I reached out to her, begging her to make the pain stop. Soon my dad ran inside to see my tears falling down my face and heard the blood churnning screams that came from my mouth. after that the scene changed. 

I dont know if this part of it was real, or if it was part of my deluded mind. All I know is that the pain was real. It hurt so much that it couldn't have been a dream. There was no way. 

I woke up and it was all quiet. I looked over to my right to see lines and lines of people in beds. same with my left and in front and back. I finally thought 'so this is the afterlife' I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, but it felt peacefull. Nice even. I thought that if I just fell asleep, then everything would be gone. That would be it, game over. But it wasn't. I saw soemone, but I couldn't see his face. He knew me, but I wasn't sure if I knew him. He told me that I would be in more pain if I didn't get out of this bed. That this bed will be my tome and I have to get out. I knew he was telling the truth. I dont know why, but I believed him. I had to. That's when it began. WHen I think of it now, the things that started to crawl in my bed wasn't... human. They where things that where going to take me away. They wern't good. I began to scream out once more, trying to get out of the bed, ANYTHING! But the black things just tied me there, chuckling at my misfortune. I screamed out for help over and over again. No one would come for me. I had to get out myself. I saw people above me, whispering to me that I could get out. A nurse stood next to me, but it was like her shadow, not her herself. She was telling me I could do it. But I wanted help. I got an arm free and moved to one side of the bed. I reached out to her and screamed for her to help me. To save me, but soon she dissapeared from me. I was alone and no one was going to help me. For moments at a time I almost gave up, but I couldn't do that. I didn't want the pain that was promised to me. So I continued to reach out, screaming for help. But soon, every just went black. 

mood: blah music: 'Wish I had an angel' Nightwish

Title: A touch of a sin's past 
Rating: pg-13 for now. Will go much higher in later on chapters 
Pairings: Envy/OC, Envy/Edward (In much much later chapters) 
summary: All we know about Envy is what the show and manga showed of him. But what about his past? What was he like before then? 
AN: Okay, I've never seen anyone do Envy's past before so I'm taking a shot at it. For the exception of his name, andwhen he died, all of it is part of my imagenation. (For the exception of Hohenhiem, Dante, and Envy. They dont belong to me)

<lj-cut text="Touch of a sin's past">
Its my fault that he died in the first place…

The sound of crackling thunder, the feeling of electricity and energy filled the room. 

If I didn’t watch him while I was in the labs... He was weak from such an early birth!

Bright white and blue lights filled the room, flashing, and showing success. 

I cant…No! I refuse to let my first born child die without a chance in life!

Without warning, the flashes changed from blue to red signaling disaster. 

Please… my son! Give me back my son! Wilhelm! 

"Hohenheim!" Dante screamed out. "You have to stop this! The transmutation is going wrong!"

Hohenheim continued with both hands pressed down on the floor, willing with all his might for his son, his only son, to be brought back. He would even sacrifice his own life if only he could bring back Wilhelm’s. He could already feel the gate taking away his life, even though his soul was the only thing that remained. The body wasn’t his for his own had already died.

Blood fell from his lips as the transmutation died and nothing but the smell of smoke was left. Yes, the gate took some of his body’s organs. But it seemed not much sense his child was only a week old. It seemed like he could live longer in this body and not have to find a new one so soon. Warm arms wrapped around his body, holding him close and his wife sobbed softly as well.

"Your safe my love." Dante whispered, trying not to let him go. "I was scared that the gate would have taken you from me this time."

Hohenheim offered her a small smile. "I’m fine. But how’s Wilhelm? Is he okay?" He glanced over and his eyes instantly widened. He could see a small form on the ground, though it looked much older then his week year old child. But then again, it was gasping and wheezing. As if it was trying to breathe.

The blonde stood up quickly, afraid of what he might have created. Could it be his son? Did the gate just make him older? Stronger? Healthier? No… the gate couldn’t have been so kind as to give him that. Finally the smoke cleared and the man could feel bile rise in his throat.

It was a monster. That was the only way to describe the thing on the floor. It was disfigured with bone sticking out in odd angels. Limbs in different angels and bright, purple eyes staring at him as if the thing was crying desperately for help of some kind. The only thing that stood out the most was a mess of golden locks on top of its head. The next thing that came out of his mouth was raspy, but most definitely clear.

"Fa…. ther…"

Hohenheim lost all contents in his stomach then. This thing… this abomination… was… no, he refused to admit it.

"Hohenheim… that’s our-."

"Don’t say it!" He cut her off suddenly. "That is not my son! It’s a monster!" And he had to kill it before anything else would happen.

"No Hohenheim!" Dante cried out as if she knew that he was thinking. "You can’t kill him!" She grabbed his arms and showed her husband the incomplete stones that they had created. "These stones might be able to heal him. That is our son. I just know it. The gate has just twisted his body that’s all."

The tall blonde ripped his arm away from her grasp. "That thing is not my son." He snapped angrily. "My son was just a new born. He looks like he’s still in his teens!"

Dante shook her head. "He’s not perfect, but he’s still Wilhelm!" Tears began to form in her eyes and began to fall rapidly.

"That will never be my son." He growled. "But if you think that it’s even worth something, then you can take it into your labs and work on him. As for me, I’m going back upstairs." With those words, Hohenheim stormed away.

The women stood there for a moment before making her way over to the shaking form that still laid in the middle of the circle. "Eat my child." She said warmly, offering the incomplete stones to him. "Eat and become well for your father has left you. But I wont I’ll never leave you my son."

The form grabbed the stones and instantly began to eat, feeding off the stones. Suddenly a blood-curling scream emitted from his mouth as the stones began to take effect and healed his body.

"You’re a homunculi aren’t you?" She asked him with a small smirk. "A child from the gate. Our son’s soul from the gate, twisted with the powers of alchemy and something else. Interesting." Dante pulled out a small pouch on her side and pulled out more stone fragments, giving them to the thing that was slowly looking more and more like a human boy. More like how their son would look like if he was ten.

"You’re a result of our sins." She whispered softly, sounding almost sad. "Your father will always hate you. I can already tell you that. You shall grow up to hate him for that. The world will hate you and despise you for who and what you are." A grin worked its way on her face. "I shall give you a new name. Envy works just fine. For you will envy those that are normal when you are not. Envy the humans who will always have more then you will ever have. You will be strong, superior, and the best. Never let anyone look down on you. Hate, despise, wish for revenge. Do that, and you shall get what you want. My son, you shall be the best."

Chapter one

~~~ Twelve years later ~~~~

His things where packed and ready to go. All his notes and all his works was packed away. He endured it for twelve years. But now he just couldn’t take it anymore. His wife had changed, and the abomination he had created was getting stronger and stronger. It had changed its appearance and did whatever it could to impress Dante or him, but Hohenheim couldn’t take it anymore. The thing was a monster. Not his son. And there was nothing that Dante could say to change his mind about it.

"Are you honestly leaving me?!" Dante cried as she burst though the door. "Hohenheim, we’ve been though so much together. And now you’re going to leave me because Envy’s here with us?"

Hohenheim sighed and shut his suitcase. "Its so adorable how you’ve given that thing a name Dante. But to answer your question, yes I’m leaving. There are other reasons besides that monster that I’m leaving. One day I’ll return to see how you’re doing. You are still the women I love Dante. I just can’t be here anymore." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a stone fragment and placed it on the table. "Use this if you have to. Just in case if I don’t return in time. Take care of yourself." With that he walked past her and walked out of the door. He didn’t even spare a glance at the semi frightened boy who stood next to the door.

"You Bastard!" Dante screamed. She ran out into the living room and caught sight of Envy standing there. Out of pure rage she grabbed him by the hair and slapped him. "It’s because of you he left!" She screeched. "He left because of a monster like you!"

"Stop!" Cried Envy, trying to get away from the women. He shifted to his original self, then back to his chosen form, doing his best to get away. "Please mommy….I’m sorry! Stop!" Tears ran down his face as he continued to struggle.

Dante pushed him away, anger and furry showing all over her face. "You are a monster! An abomination! He hates you and never even wanted to do anything with you! He left me because of you damn it!"

Scared that his mother would attack him again, Envy darted out of the door in hopes to get far away into the city. If he got there, then she wouldn’t follow him.

***

It always seemed like this. His so-called father would be working in his workshop, his mother off in her own lab. He would come in and tell him about some thing that happened that day, and Hohenheim would shoot him a glare and force him out. They never ate as a family. Instead he ate in his room, alone and by himself. During the days Dante would teach him how to control himself and how to fight. She was strict and harsh. Though he didn’t need breaks, Envy longed for them. Dante would sometimes sit him down and teach him about alchemy, but he knew that he could never perform it. After all, he was never human… 

The world will hate you and despise you for who and what you are.

It wasn’t like it was his fault that he was created. He didn’t even want this. 

For you will envy those that are normal when you are not.

But it wasn’t his fault…

Envy the humans who will always have more then you will ever have.

He felt so alone and by himself…

You will be strong, superior, and the best.

But he wasn’t. 

Never let anyone look down on you.

Yet everyone did…

Envy kicked over a pebble on the sidewalk, holding his tears, and crushing his fears. He just wanted to be normal just like everyone else. Human like the rest. Maybe then his father would accept him. Maybe then he could feel what they feel. Then maybe he wouldn’t have to be strong. And just maybe he wouldn’t have to try so hard to be better then everyone else. He could get a normal life and a job here in town. He just wanted to be wanted.

"Someone please help me!" Someone cried.

Envy’s head snapped up as he saw a man holding a vase that was too big for him and looked like the vase was about to fall over. He moved fast and quick, grabbing the base of the vase just before it fell from the man’s arms. "Let met get that for you." He said, easily taking the heavy object from the man’s hands.

The older man looked at Envy in surprise. "Why thank you young man." He said in relief. "Are you sure you can do this by yourself? I mean, it is pretty heavy."

Envy just smiled. "I’ll be alright. It’s not too heavy. Where do you want me to place it?"

The man lead Envy inside and to a table. "Over here please."

With ease, Envy placed the vase on the table and made sure that it definitely wasn’t going to fall. That’s when he got a good look at it. It looked to be from a different country, with gold painted near the top and the bottom. The picture panted there had two women dressed in long red dresses and standing under a cherry tree.

"That vase is imported from Xing." The man said, coming to stand next to Envy. "It’s very beautiful and even tells a story. Now, if I new the story, and if you where interested, I would tell you what it is." With that the man gave a small laugh.

Envy looked over at the man and finally got a good look at him. Being only five foot five, the man had to be six feet tops. Short black hair seemed to give off a slight blue tint, and his bright sapphire eyes seemed brighter then the smile he gave him. He didn’t look too muscular, but then again, Envy didn’t either. He wore A white T, black pants, and an apron over them. To the sin, he looked pretty average.

"My name is Vian Ross. I run this vase store. I’m also a researcher." He said, his bright smile never falling. "Your pretty strong for someone your age to grab that before it fell. What’s your name kid?"

Envy frowned at the man’s cheerfulness. He seemed a bit too nice. That or Envy wasn’t used to someone acting nice to him. "My name’s Envy." He said, crossing his arms.

Vian blinked for a moment and frowned. "Either your parents where bad at naming, or it’s a nickname. So I’m going for nickname. What’s your real name?"

The sin stopped for a moment, for once unsure what to say or do. Did he have a birth name? All he remembered was being called Envy. No… his father called him by a different name.

"Wilhelm…" He said softly. "My father once called me Wilhelm."

Vian smiled warmly when he heard him. "That’s a good name." He said, ruffling his hair. "How old are you? You look like your seventeen."

Envy shook his head, his long black locks shaking with him. "Nope. I’m only twelve. I only look this way because I can change what I look like."

The man blinked for a moment, looking surprised. "Really now? What do you mean by ‘change what you look like’?"

Envy smiled and felt the change in his form as he showed Vian his true form. Semi long blonde hair and bright golden eyes. "This is what I really look like."

The look that Vian gave him made Envy realize that he just showed a human his ability. And reminded him that he wasn’t human. Instantly fear rose up in him, scared that his new friend was going to scream, call him inhuman, or a monster. 

You are a monster! An abomination!

The next thing he knew, he was fleeing from the store.

***

It wasn’t till nightfall when Envy opened the door to the house. His whole mind was off thinking about Vian. He only knew him for a couple minutes, and he just couldn’t get the man out of his head. Many times he was tempted to go back and apologies. Maybe even explain what he was. But before he could, he could hear his mother’s voice reminding him of what a monster he was. Twelve years he went without telling a soul who and what he was. The city just knew him as Hohenheim’s and Dante’s errand boy. He didn’t talk much, but then again, he didn’t need to when he was just getting supplies for the two. A couple times some little girl would ask him his name or try to be friends with him. He would just try to ignore them and keep on shopping. So why was he so careless around this one human? How could he just give out his name to someone who he just met? He never did it before. Hell, he didn’t even know why he helped him. Was it because at the moment he needed someone to cling to? Or was it just out of impulse? So many questions bothered him. And all because of one man.

"Mother… I’m home." He sighed softly.

"Never call me that again Envy." Dante’s voice whispered harshly from the chair in the living room.

Blinking for a moment, the boy made his way over to her. "Call you what?" He asked, confused.

Her eyes snapped up at him, angry and fierce. "I am not your mother. I was never your mother. Remember Envy, you are not human. You never where in the first place. Hohenheim knew that. He knew he created you because he thought it was his responsibility to bring back our dead son. After all… it was our fault he died. Your creation was a sin, and that’s what you are."

Envy took a step back, still quite confused. Was she still mad at him? But he didn’t do anything! This wasn’t his fault! It wasn’t like he asked to be created. He was innocent…

"I will teach you Envy." Dante stood up and began to walk over to him. "I will teach you more and more and one day you will go out there and get me more stones. Humans are weak minded and will be easy to manipulate them. They will create it for us, and you will take it from them."

"Mo-" Envy stopped himself. He couldn’t anger her anymore then she was. "You’re scaring me…"

"Stop acting so weak!" She cried out, striking Envy’s cheek hard. "You are not weak damn it! I feed you stones to keep you strong. I gave you knowledge so you would learn about the stupidity of man. I will not allow you to be weak minded and pathetic!"

Envy held his cheek, trying to calm himself down. If he showed her that he was scared of her right now, then she would hit him once more. "I…I thought that you where my mother…" He whispered softly. "I thought you loved me…"

"Homunculi do not have mothers." Dante hissed. "They don’t have emotions and thus cant experience such things as love. I never loved you Envy. I took care of you because I felt sorry for you. Now get out of my sight and change your form. I can’t stand seeing you looking so much like Hohenheim." With that she left and locked herself in her lab.

Slowly making his way, Envy soon found himself in his room. A bed, a small desk with some notes, and a window was the only things in his room. He lit a candle that sat on his desk and pulled out a small mirror. It always helped him to better his transformations.

"No one loves you…" He muttered in his own reflection. "You look so much like him that not even she can stand looking at you." He shifted his form back top his chosen one. The one with purple eyes and long black hair that almost seemed green in the light. "She named you Envy for a reason. Because I have to hate everyone." Instantly the image of Vian flashed though his mind. With a curse, he put the mirror away.

"Stupid human." He muttered under his breath. "You probably hate me too. Just like everyone else does…" </lj-cut>